The Dog That Hated the Beach

I took my dog to the beach today, and it was the worst experience of his life. As evident in this photo, the boy was scared so shitless, he jumped on top of my car. Twice.

San Onofre State Beach (CA) just so happens to be one of my favorite places on God's green Earth, and so needless to say I am a bit offended.

He was stoked when I asked him if he wanted to go for a car ride. He nuzzled himself on the passenger-side floor board smiling at me the whole way. "Man," I thought, "why don't we do this more often, boy?" I soon was reminded why.

Australian Shepherds are working dogs by nature. They require constant stimulation. This is why I figured a beach day would be perfect. However, they are also guard dogs -think, extremely protective and loyal. When Austin's territory feels threatened, he goes schizo. When he doesn't know where on earth his territory is to protect, well, he goes haywire. Read along for a few highlights to demonstrate what I mean.

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Back to the stellar car ride. The boy was a champ. I was so impressed because I can't remember the last time I drove him anywhere. I figured he would get carsick or something given his tendency to be a bit of a psycho. Luckily, no such bad luck...in the car! As soon as we got out of the car, we walked down to the poop-bag station to get a few. To my dismay, they don't have those anymore. Right after I realized this, Austin crouched down and took a massive dump in the middle of the dirt road. Thanks, boy. At least it wasn't in the car. I didn't have a bag, though. Crap...literally!! That's when I saw the OC Metro magazine in my backseat and used that to scoop the poop. So fresh, so mushy, so gross! The poop was not cooperating. It did not want on the magazine. Geez, so I had to be resourceful with it and smoosh it with a couple of pages. How incredibly stinking and nasty. Austin, what a good boy you are! Well, I guess that was just unlucky.

Then, we filled his water dish and set it down by the car for a drink. He wasn't interested in a drink. No, he wanted back in the car! Every time I tried opening the car, he tried to jump in. Once, he was successful. That was after we got all wet and sandy from a run along the whitewater. Those seat covers are currently in the spin cycle.

I thought with one of his best toys at hand I couldn't go wrong? He didn't even want to play catch. Thinking he'd enjoy the freedom, I took off his leash. The coward started shaking and hugged my legs in terror. Alrighty, so I put the leash back on, and I could almost hear him sigh with relief. So we ran into the surf a little. The closest I got him to getting wet was running through the whitewash up to his knees, and then kicking water on him. Forget swimming. He didn't even want me going in. I tied him up to my car and backed slowly away from him to the water. When I got ankle deep, he incessantly tried to strangle himself with the leash, I suspect just to make me come back. Dang. What's wrong, boy? Suicide is not the answer!

After that, I tried to lay out and get some sun. "Maybe he'd like just chillin'", I thought. Wrong, buddy kept trying to get into my car. He couldn't quite figure out the door handle, or he might have been set for life. Then, I yanked him back to me, again and again until he got the picture that he had to chill or stay by me. In response, he sat on my head.

Determined not to let my dog decide when we leave the beach, I did everything in my power to expose yet subdue him until I was ready to go. After picking a fight with some other Australian shepherds, walking everywhere other than in the water, getting a cold shower (which he wasn't too thrilled about either), he finally got the picture and lay down in the shade of my car door. The guy next to us and I began chatting, and in a moment I looked back to see good ol' Aus at it again, attempting suicide by leash yet again.

Man, it was time to go. Three hours wasn't too bad but I can't deny my dissappointment. Even, no joke, Rob Machado and Pat O'Connell had shown up to surf and paddleboard, and Austin just could not get impressed. This kayaker guy started laughing at me, when he noticed me laying out watching the pros in awe, and Austin sitting behind me looking in the complete opposite direction. Just rude, dog! What will the neighbors think?

So, in a last attempt to show his defiance after I untangle his noose, Austin springs onto the hood of my car. The guy next to us with whom I'd been chatting started laughing hysterically, and myself, I just screamed,"OH MY GOD, what do I DO with you!?" So I scooped up my 60 pound animal, threw him on the ground, and he thanked me by doing it again. I finally threw my hands up, laughed along with my neighbor, and took this picture.

I'll think twice about it next time someone suggests taking my dog anywhere in public. Austin, I do love you, but you are a sorry excuse of a dog sometimes. What in the world does a surfer girl do with a dog who hates the beach?