Ignorance and Bliss

As I embark on the adventure of fitting back into life in O.C., I can't help but sometimes realize that people here are silly. The hyper breed of image-obsessed Orange Countians have seemed to forget how comical life is in their valient quest to tune all attention toward the arbitrary. Must be because they are such perfect examples of what's funny.

Example One: Driving

SoCal drivers' philosophy is DRIVE AS FAST AS YOUR CAR WILL HAUL down the 5 Freeway. If you are going less than 80mph, they will run you over like a rebel without a cause. Except, the cause might range anywhere from a nail appointment to not wanting to drive behind your dirty, old jalopy. Usually, this will occur in a luxury car or rice rocket driven by (mostly) ditzy women or yuppie gangster-types with something to prove (like you can come from money and still act hard. Yeeah!). Roid-ragin' rich men also apply. California Highway Patrol doesn't even bother pulling over people who are traditionally "speeding" anymore because speeding over the flow of traffic means hitting 105 mph. Those suckers will be damned to try driving their government vehicles that fast. Ride on, dudes!

Example Two: Shopping

Forget going to a shopping mall unless you have some wacky, pregnant craving for Cinnabon. You will likely be steam-rolled by Dior-wearing 'tweens if you make it out of the parking lot in one piece (given example 1). Of course, you might be tempted by the county's 20 major shopping centers. If temptation overrides all sources of common sense, make sure you are armed with your f*ck-off face so that eventually those annoying kiosk-guys will know you as that dude/chick who seriously needs a massage or something. That usually disgruntles them enough to leave you alone to brave the actual shops. Oh yeah, don't forget, fantastic plastic. Lots of plastic. Cards, breasts, chins, lips, shoes you name it. Plastic. You got it, bring it.

Example Three: Suburban Sprawl

I often wonder why people live in places like Irvine. There's nothing to do but eat, go to school, go to church, or play AYSO soccer. The draw for many, you would think, would be the beautiful beaches only 20 minutes away. On a recent Sunday afternoon, I went to Petco in a local shopping center. The weather was unbeatably sunny and gorgeous, yet, the center was shockingly crowded with waves of consumers. We had the Persian yuppies at The Coffee Bean, the dim sum crowd at Sam Woo B.B.Q., and a bunch of lazy suckers at other eateries. If I hadn't had class that morning and an errand to run, I would have been at the beach. The kicker was that so many of these Sunday afternooners were sitting in the 80-degree October sun wearing long sleeves. It hit me that, interestingly enough, even though these people pay buckoo bucks to live in a place with no seasons, they still act like they want them. Allthewhile, I'm in a tanktop and shorts wishing I was surfing -and I'm the wierdo because it's not "summer" anymore. I don't mind clear beaches, don't get me wrong. I just don't understand why a Sunday like that would even make people think twice. No matter that the water's slightly colder, it's not like most people here surf anyway! That would be, like, sooo adventurous...and, like, totally wierd. Y'know?

In short, Orange County is like high-society Manhattan but without winter coats. People wake up, get dressed, drive fast, and go eat. Ironically, I support my point in that E! created two shows about the same breed coexisting in two places: The Real Housewives of Orange County and The Real Housewives of New York. Case and point. Guess I'm not the only one who noticed.

In conclusion, silly Orange Countians, I've found that you simply don't know how good you have it! You rush around hurriedly, consuming, making yourselves more beautiful, and creating more indoor spaces to "do" things when you already reside in the primo "real estate" of nature's playground. Then, you get cranky about it. People in other parts of the world could only wish to see beaches so nice one week a year, if they are lucky. Get your heads out of the sand and open those sky-blue contact lenses wider! What you see could actually make you want to relax and enjoy it. Life is passing you by as you obsess about yourselves. The funny thing is, while you obsess, the rest of the world is laughing at your ignorant absence of real bliss...and wishing you would trade their shoes!